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The relationship only compounded his depression and confusion, and he now sees it as an act of desperation and loneliness.

Of course, he still carries the wounds of his heartbreaking loss, but by the time I met him, he seemed genuinely open and ready for new love. It’s natural to worry that you’ll be compared unfavourably to a widow or widower’s late spouse and, sadly, this does sometimes happen.

I am waiting for the proverbial poop to hit the fan. They can simply spy through the blinds across the street or stalk her house at all hours of the night pretending they were “just stopping by to say hi”.

I sit back down, slide my laptop over, hit refresh. In a world of social media and worldwide gossip, neighbours no longer need to walk three miles to gossip about the love life of the local widow.

I’ve heard of cases where the new partner feels like an intruder in the deceased person’s home and isn’t allowed to change a thing, even decades later.

I know of one women who slept with her husband while his late wife’s picture stared down at them from the bedroom wall. Someone who’s been widowed will never forget their spouse, and neither should they – that person will always be a part of them, and a new partner must be able to embrace that fact without jealousy or resentment.

If you’ve ever lost someone you love, you’ll know that grief is a gruelling journey that often involves two steps forward and one step back.This is a personal choice that each widow must make for herself. I was very up front with them and told them how I felt and what was going on.I did sweat a little over starting to date after only a couple months. Of course I waited several months to make sure it was more of a serious relationship before I opened up to them.’ Once, when I was bemoaning my single status, someone tried to reassure me that ‘the widowers are now starting to come back on the market’. However, as we get older, people increasingly find themselves single again after the death of a spouse – and, in fact, I ended up dating a lovely man who’d lost his wife to breast cancer four years earlier. It’s dangerous to start making rules about when a widow or widower will be ready for a new relationship, as every situation is unique.If a loved one is ill for a long time, we sometimes do much of our grieving before they die, and may be ready to move on more quickly.




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