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We may be imagining all sorts of problems that may or may not exist or we’re rationalising our own boundaries, values, and even prior experiences of being in one of these situations (so knowing that we may struggle with the emotional consequences) and are thinking along the lines of, ‘Well…

I’m of a certain age so I need to prepare myself for turning a blind eye to any code amber / red actions and indications because people in this age group tend to be recently broken up / separated / divorced‘. There’s no easy answer to the question of what the ‘right time’ is for dating a separated or recently divorced person.

We can take the period of time since the breakup into account but we also need to note whether actions matching words are amounting to somebody who is available for a mutual, consistent, balanced (no pedestals / controlling), progressing relationship that can blossom into increasing intimacy and commitment. It’s very easy to look at a person’s age, background, what they earn, their relationship history, their appearance, their divorce, and whatever else we’re focusing on, and rule them in or out on this basis, but in the end, regardless of any of these things, we still have to assess our own boundaries and do the due diligence. If you typically struggle with the uncertainty that comes with being with somebody who still has their previous relationship to resolve, or you know based on experience that you’ve had your fingers burned by being involved with separated or recently broken up people, don’t go there.

spend with a person means that we get to see if actions and words match and whether what we thought or they suggested was on the cards is actually happening. A person cannot promise not to hurt you or that their marriage breaking up isn’t going to affect you hence if the possibility of either of these happening sends fear ripping through you, know your own boundaries instead of playing the breakup slot machine again. ‘Recent’ is of course subjective but it’s safe to say that if you become involved with someone who is weeks or even days out of their prior relationship, you’re gonna get some blowback.

If dating Swedish men was confusing enough, then dating Swedish women must be more so.

I’m a girl, an American-Indian girl, and therefore am not Swedish.

They are tall, beautiful, blonde (although artificially blond dyed hair), busty, athletic, and strong.

You also must think that Swedish women hate their fellow men.

Yes it’s a ‘risk’ but it’s little more risk than in any other dating situation. Don’t assume that because you’re being pursued or that there’s certain future talk that it ‘must’ mean that they’re over their ex and ready for a relationship. don’t assume that because they’re separated or divorced that have a Ph D in commitment or that you’ll get the same. You remember what it’s like in those first few days, weeks and even months depending on how long the relationship went on for – you may still have been in touch, arguing, negotiating, or even hooking up. You can of course chance your arm but then you have to back away when it becomes clear that the ex files haven’t been closed. If you’ve already determined your boundary on this issue, don’t bust it, I know of quite a few people who were told to wait and come back when they’d had some more time/got divorced. Most people go through a breakup or few, and it’s not a ‘flaw’ to be separated or divorced hence there’s no reason to go Some relationships and marriages don’t work out.

Now of course, a person who is avoiding their feelings will just find someone else to avoid them with but somebody who is genuinely interested in you and wants to start off on a good footing won’t mind respecting your wishes – at least they’ll know that they’re pursuing something with you because it’s they want to be with as opposed to seeking a distraction that’s going to backfire when they realise that they’re unavailable. Of course some people are separated or even divorced numerous times due to shady behaviour or due to a tad too much Fast Forwarding but that’s stuff you’ll find out through due diligence, possibly quite quickly if you have your feet on the ground and are listening and watching. I know of somebody who is getting married for the fifth time and is doing their best to hide it from their family including their own children – yeah, clearly they haven’t grown or learned a damn thing from their previous marriages. Don’t enter into an involvement with your emotional airbag inflated.

I get so many emails asking me about whether to date someone who is separated, recently divorced, or even fresh out of a breakup that I wanted to tackle this tricky subject.

We’re often scared (even if nothing has actually happened yet with a particular person) that we may be letting our last chance or even best chance saloon slip away.




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