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Then all hell broke loose — at least that’s how it seemed to my eighth-grade, never-been-kissed self.She sat me down at the kitchen table, folded her hands, looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Let’s talk about oral sex.” I’d thought the birds-and-bees talk was painful; this was torture.Unfortunately, because Boy One fell into the celibacy-then-bail category, it was just a matter of time — three months — before the truth came tumbling out.Our relationship ended in a drunken yelling match that spanned from my withholding physical affection (his words) to his withholding emotional intimacy (my words) to us not communicating, period. Boy Two was the polar opposite of Boy One: optimistic, bubbly and more excitable than a puppy. Sex was less of an issue this time, mostly because I knew he was my rebound (yes, I’m a terrible person).What’s more, I’m an obnoxiously picky person who avoids letting go of control, being vulnerable and making mistakes at all costs — a by-the-book Type-A perfectionist.

He called me and I spent the next half-hour mumbling and stuttering out the truth.Basically, what was once just another bit of my identity has, over 26 years, become a defining element of who I am, whether I like it or not. (At least when it’s good.) I cannot wait to have sex someday.Despite what you may think, abstaining has not made me a miserable, lonely, pleasure-deprived shell of a person. In fact, I’m all for sex — from what I’ve heard, it’s fantastic! Right now, however, I appreciate — and even take pride in — my virginity. Not in an “I’m better than them” way, but in the same way that being taller than most makes someone unique, or having two different-colored eyes.Some play it cool while calculating how to coerce me into changing my mind.(This usually involves the showing off of foreplay moves, tales of the extreme pleasures I’ve been missing and/or purring that they don’t mind waiting — unless it’s going to be, like, two years, in which case they’re not so sure.) Some bail immediately.




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