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During these first few years of our life together, I've learned what I now consider the essential lessons of marriage.These are the things I wish I had known a long time ago.Anniversaries are a great time to reflect and take a pulse. If you try to have this conversation too early, you'll know — the questions will sound silly. I'm a Type 7, which means I can be too busy, spontaneous, and scattered.Jessie is a Type 3, which means she's adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.

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" When we began to answer, something wonderful happened. Other days Jessie is acting like an absolute—actually, it doesn't matter. Date nights are a great way for you to remind yourself why you fell in love. Sometimes we go out for coffee or dinner; other nights we just chill out together. I learned the hard way that you can't just come out of the bathroom playing Flight of The Conchords "Business Time" and expect to get lucky. I finally started to understand all the love songs, movies, and ridiculous things I'd seen my friends do for the people they loved.I mean, it might work once or twice, but it shouldn't be your go-to move. When we got married, people told me that these feelings wouldn't always be there. Here's the thing: I love Jessie more than I ever have, but I don't blush when I think about her anymore.Tell the person you love what you love about them and watch that area of their life flourish. If the issue is more important than how ridiculous you look at that moment, write it down and come back to it later. Set boundaries on phone, laptop, and i Pad usage for the evening.Every time Jessie brings up a problem, I'm immediately convinced I have the solution. If you're single or have just entered a relationship, this is a GOLDEN rule. Put them in airplane mode and don't touch them until the next day.

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Comments like "Oh, I thought you were going drive/get the tickets/plan the trip/[insert other traditionally masculine roles here]" can help in priming his confidence if it seems to be lagging and it bothers you.

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